What is this stuff, man?
If you are familiar with any of the stuff below then it’ll do damage; +7 damage. Your reputation? Shot. Any hope for a decent social or romantic life? That’s been gambled away on one too many savings throws, because you are clearly a Dungeons and Dragons expert.
I could’ve been outside playing sports, for crying out loud! But time and time again I just had to grab my trusty dice bag.
Below is a list of 7 oddly weird D&D magic items. During every RPG session, you were begging for a magical drop. But some DMs weren’t interested in giving you useful relics; they’d dole out craziness. We’ve compiled a short list of some of the zaniest below, all taken from AD&D’s The Complete Book of Magical Items, Volume One. Enjoy!
7 Weird D&D Magic Items
You roll a Druid? Well, this magical item is for you! From the Complete Druids Handbook:”Characters who use this enchanted farm implement to turn over the earth prior to planting a field receive a +3 bonus on their agriculture proficiency check for that year.”
What the heck? Why are they trying to turn my D&D game into Farmville? I want to roll for initiative, not plant turnips. (Source: Page 82)
Bag of Holding
From the 2nd Edition Dungeon Master’s Guide: “As with other magical bags, this one appears to be a common cloth sack of about 2 feet by 4 feet size. The bag of holding opens into a nondimensional space, and its inside is larger than its outside dimensions. Regardless of what is put into this item, the bag always weighs a fixed amount.”
So it’s Mary Poppin’s purse, which is kinda fun actually. Having this bag allowed a player to carry around limitless weight, effectively negating all encumbrance rules. Come to think of it, all players should have a Bag of Holding and ignore the encumbrance rules, because they are kinda unfun and fiddly anyway.
As a bonus, you could store your Ten Foot Pole in there. (Source: Page 76)
Ring of Contrariness
The official description: “This magical ring is cursed, making its wearer unable to agree with any idea, statement, or action.”
So a character turns into a disagreeable butthole. That’s…unfortunate. While that would actually make for some funny role play in the short term, that guy is not getting invited back to the game table the following week. (Source: Page 47)
Ring of Bureaucratic Wizardry
I promise this is a real item. From the Tome of Magic: “When a wizard casts any spell while wearing the ring, a sheaf of papers and a quill pen suddenly appear in his hand. The papers are forms that must be filled out in triplicate explaining the effects of the spell, why the wizard wishes to cast it, whether it is for business or pleasure, and so on. The forms must be filled out before the effects of the spell will occur. The higher the level of the spell cast, the more complicated the forms become. Filling out the forms requires one round per level of spell. As soon as the papers are filled out, the forms and the pen disappear and the spell effects occur as the spellcaster desired.”
That sounds like my worst nightmare. This item was undoubtedly given by a DM cursed by a Ring of Contrariness. (Source: Page 46)
Potion of Jump
I think everyone who has ever played D&D had a backpack full of these. The problem is that it only makes you jump a little further than you would have otherwise. You would’ve been better off buying the ubiquitously available 10 foot pole from the local shopkeeper and pole-vaulted over any cavernous obstacles.
Brooch of Number Numbing
You pin this baby on your manly suit of elven leather armor and when people look at the brooch something magical happens. They forget numbers.
What’s 2+2? They don’t know. Your Brooch of Number Numbing has them totally befuddled. Quick, con them out of their gold pieces! (Source: Page 84)
From the Complete Barbarian Handbook (of course): “A handful of this dust may be sprinkled over any 10- foot-radius area of a lake, river, or ocean. If any fish are below, the dust paralyzes them and causes them to rise to the surface, making them easy to harvest. The dust affects up to 10 HD worth of aquatic creatures that have animal intelligence or less; no single creature can have more than 1 HD. Once the fish surface, the paralysis persists for 4d4 rounds.”
That’s some redneck fishing right there. (Source: Page 100)
Sure, these are some weird magical items from D&D’s rich history, but they are pretty good examples of the creativity of Dungeon Masters and the theater of the mind. Still, even a simple Sword +1 would’ve been a better drop than these nonsensical items.