Nerds on Earth
The best place on Earth for nerds.

________ is Great, So There’s Really Nothing to Complain About… Unless…

______________ is great, so there’s really not much to complain about.

  • It was entertaining, visually striking, and filled with beautiful locales and characters.
  • It appealed to older fans and, equally importantly, was a delight for kids and families.
  • It had an overall sweetness to it. Violence, when shown, wasn’t gratuitous, which gave it an air of plausibility without a contribution to nihilism.
  • It was emotionally affecting and heart-warming, while also being thrilling and gripping.

Should I say more to allow you to better get a picture of _________? It doesn’t matter, because as the bullet points above illustrate, ______________ has so much going for it that there’s really nothing to complain about.

Unless…

I watched my nephew’s face as he was experiencing __________ at the theater. It was nothing short of magical! And I saw the thrill and excitement on the faces of long-time fans as well.

Yet I see their shoulders slump when I approach them and immediately launch into quibbles with ___________. It’s like the joy dims in their eyes. Perhaps I could dial it back so as to not yuck their yum?

Unless…

I have opinions and deep-seated expectations. I’m like a brick wall. In fact, people always tell me that. They say, “Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall.”

Which I take as a compliment concerning my strength (which is +3 by the way). And also my attractiveness, given that brick is a very beautiful building material. In certain cases, at least. Maybe not in some of the suburban architecture of the mid-fifties. But then again, those homes have a certain nostalgic beauty in a way. There’s a pure American warmth to them, isn’t there?

See, I have opinions and they are important to state! Yet, it’s probably for the best that I don’t over-analyze __________ in the same way and simply experience and enjoy it.

Unless…

No, no, stop it. There are bigger problems in our world! These are trivial problems that are easily overlooked for the sake of immersion. ____________ is something that [comically exaggerated swallowing sound] nearly everyone could agree upon, if we’d just relax.

Honestly, this is definitely a place where we’re overlooking all the good that’s there in order to simply to focus on the bad.

Unless…

I mean, I guess you could spend your valuable time on this Earth anxiously picking nits.

Stop it. That’s just not realistic. Who would want to live that way?

Unless…

You are a sentient thinking-face emoji right now. I know that I am, at least.

But, no, this is foolish, completely bonkers. This is like having a 1988 Isuzu I-Mark with a half-decent aftermarket Pioneer stereo and reprogramming it to work the windshield wipers. Just be happy with the half-decent aftermarket stereo. It’s fine! Don’t try to turn it into something it was never intended to be! Anyway, the stereo is just going to get stolen while you sneak off the the river to make out with some girl.

Unless…

OK, we know how Twitter works at this point…

Which means if ____________ might bring happiness to people, or at least a blissful contentment, you might as well sabotage that. That’s not a complicated strategy or a hot take. Being unhappy on Twitter opens up a whole world of possibilities.

No, no. That’s self self-defeating behavior!

Unless…

If Nerds on Earth comes to me tomorrow and says I’m the new chief NATO correspondent, a part of me would think, sure, opinion writing is opinion writing, and I can make it work.

But another part of me would be terrified that I would look like a complete doofus, just completely out of my element. Please, just let me write about things I enjoy, I’d cry.

I mean, I objectively do not have a masters degree in film-making. Why would I pick apart ___________ as if I do.

Unless…

Ok, ok. You could think of it this way:

  • One hundred positive bullet points about ________.

Or you could do:

  • A couple negative bullet points about _______.

I mean, why focus on those couple when you could enjoy those hundreds?

Unless…

Because ___________ is fine, remember. It wasn’t the problem with 2019 and it shouldn’t be the problem with 2020. Anything this good wouldn’t be picked apart in any other context outside of the current nihilistic wasteland that is Twitter and social media, so don’t pick on the good stuff.

And after all of those mental gymnastics, the original thesis still holds: ___________ is solid. It’s the biggest layup imaginable. It’s beloved by kids and families, it’s enjoyable.

Unless…

You know, I don’t need to be doing this! Why am I concerned if some eternally discontent individuals want to pick apart _________. Not my problem! I can enjoy what I enjoy, ignoring the noise around me without letting it get me so darned table-flipping angry.

Unless…

But those memes just make so much sense! If you just react to them with out thinking about them, they really make a salient point, you know?!?!

Nope. Nope. Think here. Think.

Unless…

It would be irresponsible of me to have thoughts and not feel entitled to share them with the world! I have opinions! Those can’t be hidden under a bushel basket!

Unless…