It’s an understatement to suggest that the American culture of the late 70s when the 1st Star Wars film was released is different than the culture of 2015. Not incidental are the huge technology advancements, of course, but there have been major social, political, economic, and religious shifts as well. Clearly I’m a bro known for his hot takes.
My point is that we’ll be viewing this new Star Wars film through a very different lens born from a vastly changed culture (I first viewed it through the eyes of a 7-year-old!). Gen Xers were largely responsible for inventing nerd culture, so it’s understandable that they’ll want Star Wars to be like it was nearly 40 years ago.
But changes in culture necessitate that can’t be that way! We need a modern day Star Wars! To help everyone get over the shock of this change, I’ll share the plot of the movie updated for today’s times. (And if you haven’t caught on yet that I’ll just be goofing around below, know that nothing that follows are real spoilers.)[divider] Modern Day Star Wars Plot Outline [/divider]
The movie begins on a planet much like Tatooine. A young woman sells jewelry she makes from recycled materials. In a cooperative with Tatooine Jawas, all items in the shop are certified as fair trade, which opens up new exporting channels.
Inventory management is difficult however, so she outsources most it to droids. A new app called Google helps her locate the androids she is looking for. This new process boosts efficiency and – when coupled with her social media engagement strategy – production soars. (She’s thinking IPO, but maybe that’s the sequel.)
Another app – HYPErlanes – helps her call transportation straight to her door. When her ride shows up he seems like he is well past his prime, but his partner has the fullest beard she’s ever seen, so they load up her wares.
It turns out her driver is actually smuggling artisanal goods and knows more about the business than she first gave him credit for. He’s also well connected and offers to take her to a place where is thinks she’ll be able to network successfully in a way where her business will thrive.
As the ship sets down in Mos Eisley, the veteran smuggler tells her that it used to be a wretched hive of scum and villainy, but the neighborhood has been gentrified into a chic destination, now filled with luxury condos with rental speeders on every corner. There are even modern living flats, stylishly furnished by Kamino’s WiKeaWee mass-produced furniture operation.
The smuggler recounts times when an old Bith band used to bring down the house, and they are actually in the midst of a reunion tour, playing casinos, spaceports, and planet fairs all across the outer rim. More recently however, the walls were knocked out in the old venue making it into more of a cool event space (although they still get indie bands in from time to time).
Next door is a great new café that serves Alderaanian coleslaw just like her mom used to make, but what is interesting, the old smuggler recounts, is what is upstairs. (And this is where the story really expands, adding in tons of interesting new characters, any of which could be good for the sequel.)
Walking upstairs they see a foosball table in the corner, then it opens into what is quite possibly the most diverse co-working space she’s ever seen, pulling in startups from nearly every planet in the galaxy.
One startup is called Banthly and specializes in delivering a box of freshly curated artisinal smoked Bantha meats every sundown.
Another startup – HoloTech – promises a virtual reality experience, meaning every planet in the galaxy can be right before your eyes, plus there are rumors that they are spending a little R&D time looking into weapons tech.
And yet another – Palpatine’s – boasts commerce with a mission. For every set of Stormtrooper armor sold, they pledge to put another Stormtrooper in armor on an oppressed planet.
The tension in the story comes when rumors surface on the holofeeds that one of these startups might not trade at what analysts predicted for their IPO. Galaxy pundits and analysts begin lighting up datapads with salacious headline after salacious headline!
Will our hero be able to rescue her new friend from the public relations disaster?!? Worse, will an old Gungan lawyer named Jar Jar Banks seize on the opportunity to make a power play for a senate seat? These are the questions that will left as a cliffhanger, setting up the exciting sequel![divider] Will get the modern day Star Wars we are looking for? [/divider]
The world isn’t like it was in the 70s, nerds. We need a Star Wars that keeps with the times and as the above plot outline shows, the galaxy is certainly big enough for a more modern take. And this old nerd, for one, can’t wait.
Share your plot suggestions in the comments below.